Observe! Tom Cruise stars as “Ageless Asshole Everybody Keeps Insisting Is a Good Person, Despite All Evidence to the Contrary” Don’t worry, everyone. And yet if you blow the dust off this movie and read its hieroglyphs, you’ll realize it’s actually kind of a brilliantly cutting subtweet of nearly all of its stars. This leaves The Mummy as a curiously airless artifact of a movie - more interesting for the things we can understand about the culture that created it than for the actual movie itself. But Universal is gonna try anyway! The Dark Universe! Coming to a theater near you! Johnny Depp will be in it for some reason! This means The Mummy doesn’t have anywhere near enough adequate bits to get people excited for its own third act - which unfurls in a gigantic maelstrom of computerized effects - much less a whole franchise. (Remember: We needed that second act to function as a really dull TV show pilot for “Monsters: The Franchise!”) Right as he’s finished assuring us this particular franchise will offer numerous opportunities for theme park rides, merchandising, and ancillary revenues, the killer mummy pops back up, and we can conclude the movie the first act set up, only without the benefit of a second act at all. Vox-mark vox-mark vox-mark vox-mark vox-mark
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